She’s a successful mid-thirties woman, financially independent, sophisticated, goodlooking and attached for the last 5 years plus, with an almost uneducated guy who only cares about his daily bodybuilding workout, his income is insignificant compared to hers, he lives on her expenses, has no ambitions beyond his next motorbike or car purchase on money he’ll borrow increasing his overall debt and he doesn’t miss any chance to hurt her ego.

Does this story sound familiar? Well, on the surface I’m sure you find this kind of relationship quite extreme and against all rules of reasoning. But the sad fact is that there are many young women of high status who find themselves entrapped in such dead-end relationships and it’s even sadder that they find it hard to escape.

In all these paradoxically setup relationships with unequal roles and unfair situations, the common factor is : low self esteem on woman’s side. Most of these women are hostages to their own insecurities which those men – which we could call “rats” – appear to systematically feed and understate. They find the perfect environment to practice their uselessness and nothingness while at the same time they make sure their “victims” have formed the right mental model about themselves and the relationship.

In these cases, the mental model is that of : “although I’m not as gorgeous as social as desirable as successful and as dynamic, my man by staying with me remains my pole of reference , the main pivot around which my life revolves, therefore he is so special to me by putting up with my inadequacies and still caring about me” . A totally self-defeating thinking pattern, but unquestionably a dominant one.

The problem has many variants, facets and versions which cant all be seen and analyzed through this sole article, but it is important for the woman to push herself beyond its realization, and take actions that will gradually set her free from this life-sentence misery. Being honest with ourselves is indicative of courage and strength, not of weakness. Once we directly confront with our problem and admit our mistakes, it is much easier to make the right moves to correct them and reverse the soul-consuming situation.

Quite often this kind of “rat”-man develops an aggresive or even abusive behavioral pattern, because fear is the only code through which he can pass his signals of imposing his own will and maintaining his tyrrany. When he does this, he masterfully presses the right buttons of his sweet sensitive woman, who on her side considers him adorable with his dark sides that are in a subliminal way regarded as dominant-male characteristics, therefore adding to his allure over her. And this is how the viscious cycle begins.

Family members usually can’t help this woman as much as really good friends can. In most cases, her ego and her need to prove herself right make her deaf to any voice of reason, even to her inner little voices. Instead of opening her eyes to the frustrating reality, she prefers to seek for excuses and to justify the unjustifiable.

Well girls, the good news are we are the only rulers of our lives, and we are free to live them as we really want and like. And by compromising to the degree of self-punishment you only get to sink yourself deeper and deeper in a never-ending misery. Is this your definition of a happier life? Is this the happier you?